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Confidence is Cool
By: Oscar Bruce
REMEMBER THE TIME you could not think of anything to say to the person sitting across from you in that little café or across the conference table? You stammered when they looked your way. They smiled at you, but still, there was no way you could reach out ...and you lost yet another chance to make a good contact.
REMEMBER THAT PARTY, when you were standing off to one side by yourself, and the other people were stealing brief glances at you? Still, you couldn't think of the right things to say.
REMEMBER LEAVING THAT MEETING? Just ahead of you was the person you really wanted to meet and get to know. You could not quite summon up the courage to approach. They walked away into the night and out of your life.
BY FAR THE MOST TERRIFYING BARRIER to developing relationships with strangers is learning to talk to them at the first meeting. Making first contact is sometimes fearful. Even thinking of approaching a new person makes you break out in a cold sweat.
YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE? How did things get like this, you wonder? It is because family and peer groups ripped from you at an early age the innocent social adeptness of the young. The bullying and being "cut down to size" that passes for socialization scarred your psyche. The fearful result is that you are not just shy, but gun shy. But, all that can change. It can be accomplished.
CAN THIS REALLY ALL BE CHANGED, YOU ASK? The answer is - absolutely yes. The need to grow is instinctive in the human spirit. Additionally, self-improvement is proven to be not only confidence building, but therapeutic. In fact, failure to do so creates distress and several forms of neuroses.
What radical transformation, then, would it take to reshape a shy person into an extroverted, socially adept one? Where can you learn to meet and greet any and all encounters skillfully and with confidence?
First, realize that advanced language skills are but subtle elaborations or enhancement of what we already know and do, yet of a somewhat higher order. Additional examples include listening, picking up on nonverbal cues, and having a sense of the other individual's personal space. Finally, the high-arts: being able to start a conversation with a total stranger, knowing when to wait and when to act.
IT IS OUR NATURE as human beings to seek affiliation, to make friends. But sometimes it can be hard for a person to reach out and create conversation. Most people want to like, want to love, want to connect, but they are afraid. Things get in the way of their innate desire; things like FEAR OF REJECTION or uncertainty about WHAT TO SAY FIRST.
The start of a great relationships begins with "a great opening line." It is knowing what to say first and how to sustain the conversation that gets attention and BUILDS CONFIDENCE.
TRUE AND LASTING PERSONAL CONFIDENCE flows from the knowledge and certainty that you will function skillfully and convincingly while at ease, in all social or business encounters. What helps shapes your fate is your ability to stand your ground in any confrontation - the knowledge that you will always prevail.
Self-confidence will also grow as you depend less on fortuitous happenstance, on wishing and hoping - and realize that you can make your choices and actions a consequence of clarity of purpose. You will become a stronger person as you see yourself acquiring and applying new language skills.
Total confidence is primarily rooted in possessing the verbal skills of capturing control of conversations and confrontations. It is simply a matter of knowing what to say and exactly how to say it to get the desired results. This is what the Oscar Bruce publications will put into your life.
About The Author
Oscar Bruce
For more (FREE) specific tips that will make your personal And professional communications more effective visit http://www.oscarbruce.com Author Contact Email: mailto:oscar@forwardpromotion.com Copyright 2005
This article was posted on March 25, 2005
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